Jeremy’s almost done working on his resume.
That means he’s almost going to submit them to all the companies we looked up.
That means he’s one step closer to moving up here.
It means I’m a short sprint from living with my best friend.
It also means I’m unbelievably close to the end of my total and complete independence.
Is it bad that it frightens me?
Change is hard, they say.
I feel like I’m never going to dislike waking up to his beautiful face.
Never going to dislike feeling his skin against me at night.
I’m an ENFP. It just means one of my greatest fears in life is losing myself.
And this is part of it.
It’s the biggest reason I am terrified of children. Sure, I pretend the pregnancy and birth and all that is scary. But in reality, 9 months of discomfort is nothing compared to the terror I harbor about losing myself to the institution of motherhood and marriage.
The rift between my youth and my hopefully happily ever after is approaching. Can I make that leap without taking damage?
The problem with me is that I want to do things right….to do things well. I know marriage is no joke. No fairy tale. I feel the tension of this fact.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not afraid of my decision. My life has been formed greatly by facing everything that terrified me and not running away. The things we fear the most… those are the things we have to conquer. Fear to me has always been an indicator of what I need to overcome.
But I let myself think about it. Let myself worry some. It’s part of who I am.
Tomorrow will come until no more tomorrows are left in my hourglass. I’m going to face everything head on. This blessing, this chance, this responsibility… this challenge is MINE.
